Sometimes I Forget I Can Pray

Sometimes I forget I can pray. I forget I’ll be heard.

I hear at church God loves us all.We are all precious to him. He sent his son to die for us. And it all sounds so good.

Then I go home. I open my door. I see toys and crumbs on the floor. Dishes piled in the sink. Clutter on the counters and I hear that whisper in my ear. You’re a stay at home mom. You have one job. What good are you if you can’t even keep your house clean. You’re lazy. You’re not a good mother. And I’m reminded of all the awful things people think about me and the things they’ve said about me.

I try to fight it but the whisper gets louder, the days are hard and I start to believe it. I’m not perfect and not a good enough Christian. I’m nothing, no one. What do I have to offer. No one cares about what I have to say.My words are pointless. I’m not a writer so I should just quit. I’m just a screw up that can’t do anything right. I’m a trouble maker, a rebel. 

I’m weak and tired from all life has thrown my way. I start to believe my life is just destined to be a tragedy. I get to such a low point and I feel so worthless. Like I’ll never get anything right. Everything just piles up and I can’t breathe. My hope is nearly gone and I’m fighting not to give up or give in. I get so desperate and say I can’t take it anymore.

A few nights ago I was in a lot of physical pain. A pain I have been dealing with for 3 months and a bit. I couldn’t even fall asleep. So out of desperation I prayed. And the pain stopped. And it hasn’t come back, except for a slight pain when the area is aggrivated. Through this I’ve been reminded that I am heard. That I am allowed to pray. That it’s ok not to suffer even when I feel like I deserve it. That God will, one way or another, answer even my prayers. I still hear the shouts of all my failures and all the awful things people have said. But now I remember I can pray and I try to worship louder than the shouting in my ear.

Advertisements

Author: Whole New Start

Hi, I'm Amber. I'm a stay at home mother of two and a wife. I love being creative whether it's crafts, sewing, crocheting, knitting or writing. I'm a huge bookworm and would prefer a good book over just about any other form of entertainment. I was born and raised in Alabama but currently live in Canada with my husband and children. I recently started having health issues and this is what the blog is about. Finding my way back to healthy and wholesomeness. I look forward to sharing my journey and hope you enjoy going on this journey with me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s