I’ve been working on this post for almost two weeks now. It is maybe the hardest and most revealing thing I may ever write. This is something that I thought I would take to the grave and I would suffer alone for the rest of my life
But……..a few years ago a brave woman I knew as a kid stepped forward about being abused and her abuser was held accountable. After that something was triggered in me and everything hit me full force. I tried for two years to push it back down and forget but it was useless. My health was failing and I was being tormented every single day.
When I was a child I was the victim of sexual abuse. Someone my family thought they could trust started molesting me. Everyone is affected differently by abuse and unfortunately for me it caused PTSD. I have been unknowingly been suffering from PTSD for about 16 years now. Last year I got to the point where my health was at it’s worst, I was having panic attacks and anxiety on a daily basis. I knew I couldn’t let this control my life any longer so I started seeing a psychologist.
The diagnosis of PTSD and validation of everything I’ve been through gave me that little spark to relight my fire. I was finally able to start opening up and letting people know about what happened to me. By doing that I also found out there are several other victims, which truly broke my heart. Even though it was helpful to connect it made me sick knowing others went through what I did. Learning about these other victims though just fueled my fire to speak about my experience in hopes of giving other victims that spark to relight their fire.
I will discuss the effects of the abuse in other post but in this one I want to end with encouragement.
To anyone that has been abused in any way you are not alone. Abusers choose to abuse. You hold no blame in ANYTHING that happened to you and you should feel no shame. You are a survivor and a warrior. You have the strength to stand up and speak out. You don’t have to suffer alone. There is hope for tomorrow and hope for healing. The journey may be long and hard but you will get there.
My journey started because of the bravery of one person. My hope and prayer is that by telling my story the bravery will be passed to others so that those without a voice will finally be able to speak.